Ved Vyasa Source: Wikipedia |
When Ved Vyasa arrived in the palace, everyone was frozen in awe. They could not believe their eyes. Ved Vyasa was the most beautiful man anyone had laid eyes on. He was tall, muscular, and had the a perfectly chiseled face. It seemed that Ved Vyasa had been made by the god of beauty. Every women in the castle was struck speechless just by once glance at Ved Vyasa. Word eventually reached the two young queens, that Ved Vyasa had arrived and he was the best looking man anyone had ever seen. Both the queens, being excited to meet the man who would father their children, dressed in their best clothing and jewels and went to greet him.
Just like all the other women that had laid eyes on Ved Vyasa, both Ambika and Ambalika were speechless upon first look at Ved Vyasa. They gathered themselves and approached him. Both were eager to meet him and perhaps were too strongly influenced by his looks. Their first encounter with Ved Vyasa was wonderful. They treated him to a four course meal and wine, and showed him to the best room in the castle.
You see, Ved Vyasa was the perfect man. He was kind and has amazing looks but this caused a feud between the two young queens. Both argued constantly over who he would take into his embrace first. When Ved Vyasa went to Ambika first, he could see the greed in her eyes. He then told that her child would be born greedy. When Ved Vyasa took Ambalika into his embrace, he could tell she was angry and told her that her child would be born angry and mean.
Not wanting another child with a certain condition, the next time that Ved Vyasa entered her chambers, Ambika sent a servant in her place. When Ved Vyasa entered and the servant did not woo over his looks and he could see in her heart that his looks did not affect her, he took her into his embrace and told her that her child would be born a great wiseman.The three children were born just as Ved Vyasa had said they would.
Author's Notes: The original story was very similar to this one except for one fact. In the original story, Ved Vyasa was not beautiful. In fact, he was the complete opposite. His looks were so bad that when he took the two queens in his embrace, Ambika closed her eyes, so her son was born blind, and Ambalika was pale with fear, so her son was born pale, the servant however, did nothing and he said no fear was in her heart and her child was born wise. I wanted to change this story to the opposite and make Ved Vyasa so beautiful that it would cause a feud between the queens. I thought this was a nice twist. My original idea was to just put this in the perspective of one of the queens, but I liked the idea of completing changing the story to the opposite and have Ved Vyasa being a man worth fighting over.
Bibliography: "Sons of Vyasa" from the video Mahabarata Episodes by Epified.
Hello again Aubryelle! It is an interesting twist to make Ved Vyasa beautiful rather than ugly. Usually, when these stories are changed the tweak that is put in doesn't completely change the entire story, but your tweak did. I liked that because it isn't just a new take on an old story, its a completely new story all together. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Aubryelle! I agree with Taylor, that was a very interesting twist to make Ved Vyasa pretty. The entire trajectory of the story was changed! I like that it caused a feud among the queens. One addition that would be nice is adding some dialogue. Dialogue during the feud would be incredibly exciting! Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteI like how descriptibe your writing is. What a twist, making Ved Vyasa beautiful. I certainly did not expect that. This really led into some major character changes that I really enjoyed. Having the queens lust over Ved Vyasa and him telling them how each of their children would be born with various conditions was probably my favorite part of your story.
ReplyDeleteHey again Aubryelle! I like how you start your story with the blunt truth of Vichitravirya's death, but I think the sentence needs to be revised a bit for clarity. You have a really nice writing style and your story flows smoothly in between scenes. I like how you changed Ved Vyasa and does add a nice twist to the original story.
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